Thursday, October 25, 2007

Know what you're good at. And what you aren't.

Every now and then, someone will ask me why I haven't married again. Notwithstanding the fact that I don't date enough to whittle down the field, the main reason I've not remarried is because I'm just no good at it.

Granted, it may be possible that a portion of my ineptitude lies in my inability to differentiate between an available match and a good match. The fact that the man in question is not already married is, of course, paramount. But you would think that the fact that they are also card-carrying members of the NRA would, at some point before standing before the altar, get my attention. Yet I married not just one, but two fellows who espoused the "sure, you can have it--when you pry it from my cold, dead hands" philosophy of gun control.

As it turns out, physical attraction is not near as important to the success of a union as is having something you can talk about without coming to blows.

What I have discovered since my last unfortunate attempt at matrimony, though, is that I'm pretty good at being single. Actually, I excel at it. I may very well be the best professional single you know--so good, in fact, that today I tried to flirt a man into checking my tire pressure for me and he offered to instead loan me his tire gauge.

Now I've come down with another cold and in one of only three times that I really miss being married (the others being 1. when it's time to figure out the whole personal tax vs. property tax vs. assessment vs. late fee mess and, 2. never you mind), I find that I really wouldn't mind someone hanging around who would stroke my hair and fetch me socks and force feed me Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine and Gin.

Ira, are you listening?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Regarding marriage: I had a friend once say, "I'm just not good at mating in captivity."