Oh, I didn't come right out and say as much. You know how it is. I said that I wanted a break; I needed some space.
I never committed to monogamy. Exclusivity was never part of the deal. No way. I still have other interests--television, movies, books, face-to-face conversation. It's a big wonderful world, and I'm still a young woman.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still as much in love as ever I was. But lately, the Internet has grown more demanding--dare I say, needy, even. In the beginning, a quick tete-a-tete was enough for both of us. It was quick, it was dirty, and it was good. Everybody went home happy. But the Internet has been demanding entire afternoons, lately. Sometimes, it's the wee small hours of the morning before I can tear myself away. Maintaining this relationship is interfering with other things. Important things.
Like my work. I have to work. And because I'm doing something new, I have to focus on bringing my best to the work. Which means, naturally, devoting more time and energy to the work. And that's part of the problem: The Internet and I work in the same place.
Anyone will tell you--when you combine work and romance, you should expect problems. Because somewhere down the line, the relationship is going to hit a snag. At its best, it's going to be awkward. At its worst--and I've seen this happen--the rejected suitor sabotages the work. Or sometimes, as happened to me on Sunday, you run into one another in the hall or the parking garage or while checking your gmail on iGoogle, and there's just no denying it: the spark is still there. You allow your desires to get in the way of your better judgment.
I know, I should have known better. That's what happens when you allow yourself to be swept off your feet.
Breaking up is easy. It's the staying away that's hard.