Sunday, May 27, 2007

Six little words.

My dear friend Carol has three children, two of whom are fraternal twins. One of the twins (her only daughter) has always been so sweet, so obedient, so very much her mama's little girl--that Carol never really believed said child's impending adolescence would produce any of the typical problems in her house.
She is the third one of our close-knit group who spent a few blissful years operating under that assumption. As a child, my own daughter (aka Muffin Uptown), was practically perfect in every way. And yet, when the invasion of the body snatchers began, my perfect little MU--like every teenager since Cain and Abel--very nearly drove me to drink. Or extreme personal violence.
So, Carol, in the interest of friendship and perpetuating the continuation of the human race, I offer six little words. These words solved every problem that arose during those stressful times at our house. Without them, I'm certain my child would never have safely come out the other side--a complete and perfect, reasonable, absolutely adorable human being. Speak these words and maintain peace in your house and dignity about your person.

Get. the. hell. away. from. me.

Hear a podcast of this post:

The extremely righteous music on this podcast is a remix of Feel My Pain Miss Jane, words, music, production, and performance by David Henderson.

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