Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Okay. Here's what happened.
I curled up in a chair Tuesday afternoon with Sarah Waters' The Little Stranger. It's a slow-building modern Gothic that's just perfect for falling asleep over on a quiet, weekday afternoon.
And so that's what I did.
And of course, the thing that always happens when I fall asleep in the middle of a weekday afternoon happened. The doorbell rang. It scares me to death to be awakened by the doorbell. In fact, it's pretty common for me to answer the door in wild-eyed, bed-headed breathlessness. There's no telling what people think I'm doing up in here.
This time, though, I lept up into the air and as I came back down, heard a sound that seemed, oh, I don't know, kinda out of place. Way in the back of my mind--the part that wasn't already begging to be shot--I thought, "Hmm. That sounds just like snap beans. It's too early for beans, init?"
It took quite a while then to get to the door, because for what seemed to me to be a very long time, I could only roll around on the floor saying, "Owowowowowowow" (or some less printable version of that same thing). Finally though, I got to my knees and crawled the two-to-three feet to the front door, dragging my useless right leg behind me.
So I was on my knees--a wild-eyed, bed-headed, breathless Dorf--as I opened the door. And then I did something that really only happens in the South.
"I'm sorry, I fell trying to get to the door."
That's right. I apologized to the UPS man for taking so long to open the door.
Which was fine, I guess, because this guy was not the least interested in whether or not I was injured. Maybe because I was so successfully holding my shit together or maybe because it was obvious to even this total stranger that I was some kinda tough old bird, he handed me first the package and then the fake clipboard WHILE I WAS DOWN THERE ON MY KNEES. I had to lay the clipboard-y thing on the ground in order to sign.
And then he thanked me and got back into his truck.
Ordinarily, this is the place where I would hit the post button--because you know I don't like to go on after I think I've made my point. But I want to pause here to ask--way back on February 16, when I was working up a full head of steam reaming out the lady at my doctor's office for not having my name on the appointment register when we both realized first that my appointment wasn't really scheduled until March 16, and then that no amount of apologizing would likely ever be enough--it's cool if we just call that a wash, now, right?
Image, sergiok's photostream. My xrays are happening on Wednesday. Stay tuned.
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so you broke it?
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