Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Well, I hope somebody's working on it.

My friend Tawana called last night with another idea for us to make millions upon millions of dollars. I can't tell you about it, though. She was still a little sketchy on the details.

She'll work it out; she always does. Why, we could buy and sell every one of you with all the great ideas she's had for making us rich.

In all the years she's been conjuring these things up, she's never yet called to say,"I'm about to make a billion bucks. I'll invite you to up to see the palace after I get settled."

She makes sure that I'm always part of the plan. And it's great to have a friend who wants to include you in her good fortune--except for the fact that good fortune isn't high on my list of gotta-haves these days.

What I could really use right now is a fast and painless way to get my old ass back.

Even in the flush of youth, I never had a back end that could stop traffic--but I could certainly prop open a door with it. Now, it's mainly only good for causing my pants to hang funny, and for making my feet fall asleep after I sit for too long. Take it from me--when your fundament is all stretched out of shape, nothing fits right--not even the chair. Being able to sit in my favorite chair without my toes turning purple would make me much happier than a big pile of money.

If Tawana could come up with a way for me to get my 1987 caboose back, I would pay her the million dollars.

image, vintage pulchritude.

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