I love corn dogs. I don't eat them as often as crunchy and delicious drive-through tacos, but every now and then, nothing will make me happy but a steaming hot battered wiener on a stick.
For instance, I like a good corn dog on my birthday. And because this week has been a bit of a pisser, I think I'll look one up today on my lunch hour--sort of the working girl's alternative to the good-Lord-I-hope-this-gets-me-to-5 o'clock, two-martini lunch.
Because I don't eat them every day, when I do get my hands on a corn dog, I want the experience to be all it can be. There are, however, a few things that can really mess it up for me:
No mustard. Who does this? Yet, every time I order one, I have to send the server back for the mustard. This one point is non-negotiable. A dry corn dog may as well be no corn dog at all. Come back and get it, cause I'm not eating it.
Anything less than a steaming hot corn dog. Nobody likes a cold wiener. Okay, a dog will eat a cold wiener, as will a small child. And both will eat practically anything, provided it is found unguarded on the floor, so there you go. If your judgement is such that you will eat a weiner off the floor, then a cold weiner won't give you much pause.
A wiener that is too large. There must be the correct ratio of dog-to-corn. Otherwise, what's the point? One might as well be eating naked wieners off the floor with the dogs and the little children and the people with questionable judgement.
Anyone reminding me what comprises a wiener while I am in the process of eating one. There's no real reason to expound on this one, is there? Too much editorializing, and I run the risk of ruining my own corn dog.
If you're thinking that a lot of things have to come together to result in the perfect corn dog, you're right. But when it works, it's well worth the trouble--and waiting for the server to fetch a packet of mustard.
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